I sat eating my lunch alone yesterday (broccoli quiche and salad) in Egg Cafe. I sat facing the room, ‘L’Etranger’ in one hand, fork in the other, looking aloof and very cool.
However, as soon as I take a bite of my lunch things change. I eat with my mouth open without realising and suck at lettuce as if it were spaghetti. I get salad cream on my chin and guzzle down my drink. To put it bluntly, I think if a man were to take me out for dinner he would be truly disturbed. When I am fortunate enough to be taken out by the opposite sex, I make a conscious effort not to throw my dinner down my throat in record speed, order only two drinks (maximum) and not burp.
Yes. I’m a serial burper. Sometimes, I can be discreet but every so often I just can’t help myself. I honestly believe that someday I’ll burp in a man’s face and he’ll laugh. If he says ‘do it again’ I’d probably have to think twice about a second date. For a girl who enjoys eating in restaurants more than her bank account balance could care for, I don’t exactly hold that air of etiquette.
Please remember: if you paid for it, it’s yours. Do not feel embarrassed to ask for a doggy bag.
lover: sexual partner
friends with benefits: two friends who have a sexual realtionship without being emotionally involved
girlfriend: female partner
floozy: a disreputable woman
December was a great way to end an even number year (generally, they’re shit, I can’t say this one was). A month of ungraceful dancing, late nights and more McDonald’s chicken nuggets than even Morgan Spurlock could handle. A trip to Belfast, my first experience of ‘gay town’ and a lot of over time at work has left me excited, rich and tired. So tired in fact, that sleep deprivation is giving me nightmares. Fancy that? Nightmares at 18 years of age.
Regardless of feeling like a middle aged spinster having drank my weight in Southern Comfort, gained a few pounds and formed a new pair of dark circles under my eyes, everything is going just dandy.
Slowly but surely universities are giving me conditional offers to study English, I’m relearning AS Geography in time for my exams and saving my wages up for a Euro trip this summer.
As for new years resolutions I’ll just say I’ve never believed in them which could translate to I’ve never kept to them. Maybe I’ll start wearing short skirts and hair extensions for a ‘new me’. On the other hand, I’ll probably keep the bob, cover up and watch the news more.
Happy New Year (the odd ones are always the best) x
I turn eighteen tomorrow. I have been on this earth for a millennium, but apart from that nothing too ‘wooahhh’ has happened so far. Forever, I have believed that turning eighteen would open some mysterious door into adulthood and freedom. Let’s see about that. Now, all I am looking forward to is turning into a semi alcoholic spending my evenings in pubs rubbing shoulders with geriatrics and sipping on whatever I can afford. Daaarling, don’t I just exude class?
This is my call to you all;
if you’re an employer- hire me
if you’re employed- help a brother out
As of December I will be living off pennies, my CV is getting a serious revamp and I am job hunting.
If you can lend a hand with this process, I’d appreciate the love.
I’m living vicariously through the people on this TV show.